Dear Winter

Dear Winter;

How's it going? Good? I'm happy to hear it. 

Let me tell you how it is with me.  I'm not happy.  I'm not happy at all. 

I've been putting off writing this letter to you, because I thought that maybe you would find out on your own. But since that doesn't appear to be the case, I can no longer stand aside and watch you flounder in such obvious oblivious-ness.  

I don't like you.  None of us do. We didn't want to tell you before, because we figured it would hurt your feelings, and you keep the spiders away, however your recent actions have made it impossible for us to keep quiet any longer.

You make us miserable.  You are dreary, and gray, and overall not very cheerful.  You are boring and dull, and you make us unhappy.  That's not even an exaggeration, because in the winter time, there is less exposure to Vitamin D, because you are either cloudy and yuck, or it's so cold we can't go outside. You know what Vitamin D is for?  It's the Happy Vitamin.  Without it; we get the SADs. 

Lots of people have the SADs, maybe you could take some time off, and go look into this.  Maybe you should consider how your actions make others feel. 

I have included a couple helpful tips, if you insist on coming by every year, despite being fully aware that no one likes having you around.

1. Don't stay so long.  No one likes it when a guest over stays their welcome, and you do that. A lot.
2. Stop trying to take over time in Spring, Summer, and Fall.  There are four seasons, and we'd like to spend time with all of them.  When you come early, or when you stay late, it isn't fair to the other seasons, and frankly, it makes you look selfish.  You don't want us to think you are selfish, do you?
3. If you do have to come for a visit, please leave your friends at home.  We are not interested in spending time with gale-force winds, or blowing snow.  We may even enjoy your company more, if we weren't dealing with your bumbling, foul-mouthed, drunken, delinquent friends.
4. Try being less dreary.  I don't think it would kill you to try and brighten things up a bit.  Maybe you could bring colourful snow.  Orange or neon green.  You've been doing the same white theme for years now, and it's tired and old.  The other seasons have bright colours. Maybe that's a bandwagon you should consider jumping on. Just saying.

I feel that we would all get along a lot better, if you adopted some new policies.  If it doesn't work, we can certainly reassess at a later date, but currently, you are a firm "Needs Improvement" on your team building skills and general likability.

I'm sorry it had to come to this, and that I had to be the one to hurt your feelings. But you had to know how we feel, now that you do, we can all stop living a lie.

Sincerely,
The People

P.S. The other seasons will be receiving letters about how to stand up for themselves, and how to avoid being bullied by you.  Consider yourself warned.

Super-Top-Secret-Identity Name

As fun as it is to read all about me, there are going to be times when I have to put someone else in the story. (It’s okay….. I know….)

I was discussing with one of my co-workers, who I happen to think is really funny, if I could use him in my stories.  Actually, I was trying to cheer him up, and I said I would blog about it, but I didn’t know if he wanted me to use his real name, so then I was going to google really awesome names and pick one that I thought would suit him, but then he gave me a name.

I want everyone to be clear.  He picked his own name for the blog.  In no way am I picking on him, or being mean to him, or making fun of him. He picked it. All by himself.  And he thinks he’s pretty clever for doing it.

Because now, I have to write a whole blog about how I didn’t pick his name, and that he really picked it himself, mostly so that I would have to defend myself against my readers who don’t know me well enough to know that I wouldn’t pick on him.  Unless he deserved it. 

But not today, because he doesn’t deserve it.  He’s actually a really great guy, just has a dark and twisted sense of humour. Which is probably why we get along so well, because if this were his blog, and I got to pick my own super-top-secret-identity name, I would probably pick something that he would have to defend; just to ensure I could laugh about it later.

This is the abridged version of our conversation.

Me: You can pick your own super-top-secret-identity name, not everyone gets to do that. Even my kid got stamped with “child”. So this is, kinda ... special.

Him: Tinkerbell.

Me: Interesting.

Him: Nobody would guess it.

Me: But if someone did guess, then they might think I was being mean to you.  (see, there I am, trying to be all PC.)

Him: haha jackpot.

Me: OR I could write a whole blog about how you picked this name, and that way no one can ever be mad at me because it was your own choice.  Because I don’t want people to think I’m being mean to you. Especially because you don’t deserve it.

Today.  (I added that last part as an after-thought, because sometimes he does deserve it. But not today.)

So I would like to introduce you all to Tinkerbell.  He also chose this super-top-secret-identity name all by himself, and he’ll be making random appearances in my blog moving forward.  He was probably mentioned in a previous one, but I would have left him without a name, because we hadn’t chosen a super-top-secret-identity-name yet.

Obviously.

Email Response to FAQ

I've gotten a few emails from people (obviously from people, animals don't write me emails. There might have been one from a chimp, as they are very smart, but don't really care about grammar and spelling....)

Anyway, I've received some emails from people asking what exactly it is I do.  So instead of responding directly to each email, (which I will do anyway, don't you worry. Probably with a link to this post) I've decided to write a little bit about it.

Top Question:

Q: How are you able to blog at work? Don't you get in trouble?
A: You would think so, but no.  Because I work evenings, it gets really quiet around here.  As long as we (the front line people) are not causing turmoil in the office, and as long as the customers that do call in are taken care of, we are able to do our own thing.

Disclaimer: Check with your boss or your supervisor before doing something online not work related. Different companies have different policies, and while I'm sure I have inspired many of you to blog about your daily lives, I certainly don't want you risking your jobs over it.

Q: Do you only blog at work?
A: No, sometimes something funny will happen to me while I'm at home.  If I can spare a minute from the demands of home life, I'll blog about it.  But time is constrained between, getting child ready for school, and surfing the Internet. Sometimes I'll read a book, and that always takes some time.

Q: What do you do in your spare time?
A: I think about things to blog about. It's a surprising amount of work to come up with funny topics.  I'll be having random conversations and think "I have to blog this."  But something shiny will distract me, and I'll forget all about the funny thing that happened.  I also play video games. Yes, I'm a girl and a gamer.  We do exist.

Q: What do you watch on TV?
A: We don't actually have TV. We have a television, it's hooked up to an Xbox and a Wii, but we don't have channels that provide anything but static.  I haven't had TV in years, and I really don't miss it. Even when I worked at a TV company, I didn't have TV. 

Please keep the emails coming, I get so excited when new emails arrive!